Miss Strassburg

I attended the General Women's Conference in downtown Salt Lake on Saturday night and my experience was two fold.

First--that Julie Beck, is one amazing teacher and leader. How many times did she mention "faith based work"? Being reminded about that, and the calling I have to be a visiting teacher/friend to those in my ward, it was all I could do not to take bread, make running dates, and plan ambushes to see them. I'm shooting for 100% but of course I'm focusing on my people, not percentages.

Second--While leaving I rode the escalator with Miss Strassburg. She had been in my thoughts lately as a person I'd like to someday thank for making a lasting impression--but how?--she was my junior high choir teacher, long retired and originally from New York. And all of a sudden, there she was, hugging me, asking about marriage, kids, my family/siblings, my parents. What could I do but ride down and tell her that she should have had a party when she retired because I would have come.
She's still amazing. Since retirement she did a 5 year personal family history mission, worked as a personal assistant to an entrepreneur, and now does church service in various forms such as direct choirs for the church--all over. Vanessa, I told her you saw her at your regional conference. She was happy you were so happy to see her. She said West Lake (my junior high) kids are spread out all over the world! And that the Lord always sends one when she needs it, "I must have needed it tonight," she said.
She did some amazing things as my teacher. One She made me feel like I was her favorite, and she was counting on me to pull the choir through and make her day by doing my best. She made everyone feel this way...everyone. Two She directed musicals ever year that were HUGE. Three She let a group of us groupies eat lunch in her office/classroom every day of my ninth grade year. She called us "the lunch bunch". She threw a party at her apartment and invited the lunch bunch to eat ice cream and go to the MoTab Christmas concert with her--a short walk away, she's in the same ward as the prophet... Four She pretty much kept me singing and hopeful all through Jr. High!


Where can I find one of her for Addie, Ben, Paige, & Stuart when they're entering puberty?


I taught 6th grade for a year and lunch was my salvation.


Jr. High teachers like her are one in a million--no--in this world. So thank you Miss Jennifer Strassburg for seeing me (last night and 23 years ago). Saturday night I went and felt the spirit of Jesus Christ throughout the meeting and while leaving I meant one who has served and embodied Him her whole life and I felt whole.

I can't find my camera and I'm paralyzed!

New niece Abigail Bethani arrived.

Had a bike fitting.

Sharon and Seth came to town.

We played at the Gateway water fountain.

I swapped food.

I crafted at Super Saturday--even taught the class.

With games, birthdays and a round of Grandma Christy's STAR BELLY Sneetches, I was ready to report on it all. But alas no photos and...........that was last week!

This week has been a ton of just house support, online shopping, and more preschool organization. The only thing I can offer you in this post is a birthday present idea. You know, the friend birthday parties that sneak up--even if the invitation is delivered a full week before--all of a sudden-- it's the day and what do you give for a present? I got this one from Family Fun--but a trip to McDonalds of course. Now the original idea was a play date to something fun, riding horses, go carts, pedicures..... but for my kids, Happy Meals with a toy has never had more appeal. And so this summer I printed this no less than FOUR times: and last night I cashed them all in--four friends, my four and choices, choices, choices.
Birthday Presents check
Dinner check
Bishopric night check
Economical check

and most of all fun.

Hair, Bowls, and POW!

Every one said, "Congratulations".

But he didn't campaign.

He is James Mair.

He is the 2nd counselor in the Bishopric.

But congratulations in genuine-mormon-member-lingo really means, "I approve and support you in the new way that you will serve me". At least that's what I felt. Ya, it was said to me too. The member of the Stake Presidency told James Mair to kiss me "goodbye" on his way up to sit on the stand--and he did. Kissing at church? Husband on the stand? It's a different world than yesterday...
We all went for hair cuts at the Homer Salon Style and Therapy. Addie's is chin length with a bit of stacking sass going on in the back. Paige's bob was just trimmed, and for me, Brynn found natural curl with a diffuser and "product". She's a miracle worker.I found new bowls! They were labeled Ice Cream Bowls--but that won't stop me from eating cereal in them or ice cream or both for breakfast. Has anyone else ever done this? James Mair was appalled when we were first married.
Tai Pan--4 for $5! I bought 8.

The Boy is TWO!

Do you remember when he was born?

He really is Two!

I present to you...

Boy, Finger, and Cone.

He started blowing during the song--he knew what to do. Thanks mom for this huge pile of cupcakes.
Just look at that little Stewy cheese. We took the long way home through Provo Canyon. We stopped at Bridal Veil Falls and with the rest of Provo, we enjoyed the coooooold water.

Let's talk about birthdays. Kim's new one is So Close to having her original.
Here, she and my brother Tom, are describing what sounded like a cat in her womb. And this little boy is a WEEK old! Robyn's little Wesley is thriving. He eats, sleeps and makes anyone who comes near, sigh with contentment and peace. And want to comb his hair.

Embracing The Tole Tree With Apples

Most of you know I teach preschool; eight years of preschool. I'm amazed myself. This week was crunch week for getting ready--class starts on Tuesday. Last night was the open house with lots of energy and shy smiles. With a not so shredded preschool, my kids tested out the school supplies this afternoon.
The glue lip...
The lefty, cuttin' with with his right...
And the die cutter. So a couple of hours before the open house I still had everything pulled out, dejunking, purging and organizing. Then I had a very adult thought:

"I don't want to be stressed trying to get everything put back."

It caught me of guard--when have I ever avoided stress? I produce my best work under pressure!

Behold the guest bedroom...

I now have two weeks until Sharon and Vanessa come!
You haven't missed Ben's eyes right? Can you see my camera?

Hobby Turned Lucky

I started yardsaling when I started teaching preschool and was in need of toys. I liked finding a small treasure amongst junk and then I'd buy the junk too.

When we moved about three years ago I was disenchanted by stuff. I had too much of it. It was then that I realized I could stop my acquisitions by curtailing my hobby.

I'm starting my 8th year of preschool next week and I was hoping for some old parchute or an art easel that stored well. And against James' judgement (because when I left it was already 9 and any one who yardsales knows that "all the good stuff" is gone by 7:59) I went.

Behold 20 minutes, Two Yards, and $45! (and I'm including prices for Kim and Sharon because we always want to know a good deal) The whole get up, $30. The skis are a little long and not as fat as the latest and greatest model that Sports Authority rented me last year but all I can say is, "Hello Demo Tent" ehh Donna? The boots might be a little big, I'll know for sure, the first time I ski on them, if I can keep my heels down on turns.
The owner of this gem ($15) claimed it was an antique. I doubt that. It was just made before children were considered complete idiots and fun took priority over safety. I can't keep the kids off it.
I thought for sure someone would get ejected, smashed toes, or a bloody nose by now but its been nothing but cooperative fun. And by that I mean the kids have to be nice to each other to totter. You can't teeter solo.

Re-entering and Recycling

I have missed this.

It's the one thing I can't explain when asked why I stopped blogging (posting). Blogger's block, purpose and my voice have all haunted me. As well as my good old default of failure, If I can't do something well--um, I just won't try. But I love connections--they always bring me the most joy. And that's what I've missed. So I'm back, again, but with vim, to engage in connections and to record and note the notable.
We were TPed a few days ago. I counted three cardboard tubes and calculated more that a weeks supply for the kids bathroom. Look at Paige reuse.We started school! HURRAY! Can you guess which kids are not going to school?Adelaide, a 2nd grader, sporting an over the shoulder bag she requested 4 months ago.Benjamin's first day of Kindergarten. I didn't cry at the boo hoo breakfast the PTA threw but I did, yesterday, when the class lined up and his teacher lead them in a cheer. He's big now.

This week Adelaide has had a nasty viral infection with a temperature and sore throat. We're on day THREE now and it looks like she's on the mend but early this morning after a Motrin dosing, and an otter pop rejection, and a water run, and tissues, and bathroom help all in 15 minute incriments, I could not sleep. I had lists and plans hatching behind my eyes and my pillow was perpetually hot. My friend, Amber suggested to get up and write everything down and it worked. I jotted a page of BLAH and was rewarded with 2 1/2 hours of sleep.

Getting Ben's eyes off the blog was on the list! Happy Friday!

Benjamin has the most beautiful brown eyes that he got from his Grandma Mair. He's sending you gamma rays as well.
Stuart was sad about the photo shoot but I love his rectangle mouth when he cries.
It is so cute and he's a sensitive one--so I'm very familiar with the shapes of sadness. Trying...Paige climbed in bed with me the other morning. When I rolled over to get up, my shirt slipped up a bit. While pointing to my bare mid section she asked, "Mommy, where you get those stripes?" I replied, "You." She giggled. "Hey Paige, where you get these stripes?"

Confession: This cute suit is actually from the Mod Zebra line 2004 from Gymboree--now ask me why my brain is filled with useless info like that. Go on and ask.....Well I'll spill. I was a little obsessed with coordination when Addie was about 2 years old--the hair accessories that match the shirt, pants, sweater, socks, shoes, purse. Gymboree is the best for the head-to-toe look. So I bought with plans to resell... I would be an eBay queen and turn a profit while my darling was dressed to the nines!

Reality: I didn't ever start selling because I could only stand to buy clearance and I had more babies. More babies equal more happiness but also, a lot less time to wash, rotate, shop, line dry and follow the resell market... And what a relief.

Now some notes on kids clothes.

1. Kids are adorable no matter what they wear--I knew this from the start but I was a little on the thicker side after bearing my first. I didn't like to buy clothes for me so I just bought for Addie.
2. All children's clothing equaled out about two years ago--It's true--I used to be able to see a difference in clothing bought at the mall compared to big box stores but quality wise, I swear it's all the same now. Cute stuff at the Wal-marts, cute stuff at the outlets, cute stuff at the mall. And it all lasts for about 1 1/2 kids.
3. Get this...Customs [home sewn clothes] are going for big bucks. Now I just can't get into this scene- It's cute--but is it? $99 for a suit of jeans with applique and ruffles? Kind of clowny in my honest opinion. Click on her other auctions--I dare ya. Addie would love it all. Maybe you do too.....
4. I still shop and take the role of wardrobe manager seriously, but I'm not competent. I can't stand to buy stuff that is not fun to buy, like: socks, underwear, boots, athletic shoes, --so I don't and I hear: "There is nothing to wear...."

This little kid post with the Paige dialogue took a hard left--let me see if I can correct it--To any of you that do not have leftover stripes as a reminder of pregnancy bliss, you can have Paige's Mod Zebra suit next year, it's a 2T, and it still has some resell value ;)

Wishing Vanessa A Happy Birthday

"Hey Vanessa, Happy Birthday! Let me open this huge kiss for you...."
It looks well wrapped...
Its entire foil goodness...
Will it really be a chocolate kiss inside?
Oooo-baby-- Chocolate jackpot!
I'll taste it for you--to see if it's any good.
The yellow teeth confirm deliciousness.
Happy Birthday Vanessa!

Disclaimer:
I took these pictures on Valentine's day with scrapbook/blogging intentions--errr it's now St. Patrick's Day. Today is my fabulous sister, Vanessa's, birthday so: Vanessa--Here's a birthday kiss from Addie!

Follow up and thank you!

Thank you all for the wonderful comments on the "Charlotte post". They were such a support as they trickled in during the day and so nice to read.Here's a big thank you to whoever you are that remembered and brought pink balloons last Tuesday. It was the nicest surprise to finish up preschool, walk the kids out, and see them--just tied to the garage banister. Parents asked--and I got to tell many that don't know--all about it. And maybe you knew but we always release balloons at the cemetery, so we let them go.
We've had this tradition since the first anniversary, to release balloons on her birthday and this year it was really cool. Eight of them--and with my parents at the cemetery, and on Stuart's que--we let them go. It was very cool.

Charlotte Jane

Do you remember?

Maybe you didn't know me back then?

If you haven't heard the story--I'll tell it again.

I was pregnant with a little girl and had picked the name Charlotte--kind of after my dad, Charles, but really I just loved the name. It was my first pregnancy and I had made it to the day I had longed for--Friday, March 2nd and saying goodbye to the 4th graders at Monte Vista Elementary. Honestly I was exhausted, and as much as I loved teaching, I was ready to have a baby. Really, I had had 5 baby showers, and I had worn stretch pants for 3 solid months. I was ready! My due date was Tuesday, the 6th, but I had felt movement and contractions all day and figured she was coming soon.Rebecca, Me and Amy on that last day.

On the way home from work I stopped at Target and bought yellow pajamas and a bag of peanut butter M&Ms. That night we hung shelves and set up the crib.

Sleep was tough until about 3am; she was just so active. She finally fell asleep around then and gratefully so did I. I woke up the next morning and found James in the spare bed--"I think we should have this baby today", I told him. He smiled, he had had a good night's rest.

The contractions were sporadic but they felt like the real deal so after breakfast I called the doctor. He asked if I had felt her move. I thought and --well last night I had but this morning I'd been having contractions on and off and I just hadn't been paying attention. He suggested coming in to see how things were.

On the drive over I honestly felt like everything was fine. The first nurse that came in started seaching for a heart beat. She didn't say much but left to get an ultrasound machine. We asked why and she replied, "I can't seem to find the heartbeat."

I still really wasn't all that worried. I was huge--I was in labor, or some form of it anyway. I had been pregnant for eeeeeever and I had felt her so much the night before. No heartbeat? Well that must mean... She went to get the doctor on call and when he came in--I knew.

A baby...my baby...where was she? I had felt her spirit so close the few days before--Where had she gone? This scripture from the Book of Mormon popped into my head, ...that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body,.... are taken home to that God who gave them life, Mosiah 40:11. I knew where she was now.

On the ultra sound machine the doctor showed us her little chest cavity that was white. Where the blood had pooled and where the heartbeat usually is. I was in shock and my blood pressure dropped. I hadn't felt a contraction for a while. I looked up in tears. "Are you going to send me home? I don't think I can go home." They assured me that they wouldn't be sending me home but that they would induce me as soon as I was a little more stable.

I'd have to deliver?...ugh.

This is going to be really hard...

With no baby in the end--oh it hardly seems worth it...We knew we had to call our parents. We waited a long time--if we told anyone it would be real. I felt such sadness and failure. Failure was the most puzzling emotion I could have felt, and yet it was most intense. I could not have prevented what had happened. I went over and over in my mind how this could have been my fault and I knew it wasn't but I still felt like I had let Charlotte down--like I had let everyone down.

Her birth was climactic in the fact that we got to see her. This beautiful little girl with wisps of strawberry blond hair, who had passed this life's test. Anticlimactic because I was really pulling for a miracle. No such luck. Around 10:00 pm she was born, 7 pounds 10 ounces of baby--really real and very still. It was an extremely emotional moment. Even the doctor was crying.
We took a bunch of pictures, blessed her and fell asleep. And truly the hardest part was around 4am, when we woke for the mortuary to take her. She had only been held and then cradled in bed with me up until then. We handed her over to a complete stranger. Then we really cried.
The next three days were a blur. I remember leaving the hospital with many things--but no baby. Very hard. When we got home--we just shut the door to the nursery and it was a while before I could go in there. I do remember my grandfather giving a wonderful talk at her funeral--it had a great theme--hope and more children. It was really warm that day and at the cemetery, I remember kids playing. James was the lone pallbearer and carried the pink casket himself.
The doctor called sometime in that time with some results. Because there was a lot of blood in the amniotic fluid--it's possible that a placental abrubtion occurred but that's associated with pain and bleeding and I didn't experience any of that. Also the placenta was a little swollen which can be a sign of infection but they really couldn't tell.

Now the miracles. We really felt carried through the whole ordeal and for a long time after. We had so much support; family, friends, students, co-workers, that gave us phone calls, meals, letters, momentos, visits, flowers, and lots of prayer. We could feel it; it's one of the ways we made it through. That and time.

For weeks and months I'd be jealous of those who had been through a death, but, had time on their side. It wasn't the first thing they thought of getting out of bed in the morning, the only thing they thought of during the day and the ceaseless dreams that filled their nights. Now I rise, think and sleep with my thoughts at peace.

I now have time on my side.

Eight years.

I still think about her and what happened. This blog post has been somewhat cathartic reliving it all and wondering how I ever did such a hard thing. It seems sometimes that it was yesterday and other times that it was a whole lifetime ago. We have been immensely blessed since. We have a beautiful family now. Eight years ago I could not picture the future--it seemed full of holes and hopeless--but time has worked it's miracle. I have babies now--that are growing up really fast.

Adelaide and Benjamin are always remembering Charlotte and reminding me (and total strangers too) that there are really seven in our family.

Happy Birthday Charlotte Jane!